your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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