sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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