O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize