but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
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Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
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Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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