i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
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And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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