The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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