The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize