Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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