i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize