We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
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He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
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These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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