Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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