You really coming over, don't trick.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize