Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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