I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize