you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
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Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize