I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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