He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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