Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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