your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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