I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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