Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
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