Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
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His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
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Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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