When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize