She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize