Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
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I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
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While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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