Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
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It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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