that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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