He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize