I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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