I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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