She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
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Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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