Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
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he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
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We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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