i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
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I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
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I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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