Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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