The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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