If that was your dad, he is hot
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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