flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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