Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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