i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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