my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
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How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
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She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Bring me that man meat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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