Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
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She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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