Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
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And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
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I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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