guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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