I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize