My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize