i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize