Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize