i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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