I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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