My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
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Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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